COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE COMMUNICATIONS COACH
Divorce with the End in Mind
We are all sheltering in place, but we are alone together. It's super challenging right now. And...it's going to be okay. Different and okay.
I've moved my client meetings online, via Zoom. AND...collaborative divorces and divorce mediations are not only still happening on the Zoom platform, we're finding that having all of our meetings online seems to make the process more efficient. Who knew? No shared snacks, no hugs, but we are getting the job done.
I'm offering some free classes on the Zoom platform as well. RSVP to for the link to the next Divorce Options Class.
Saturday, August 8, 2020, 10am-1pm
Yes, you can get divorced in California this year, despite the closure and backlog of the courts. In this class we'll talk about several ways to get divorced, the pros and cons of each. And we'll go through the legal, financial, and emotional issues divorcing couples will need to navigate during this transition.
WHAT I DO
Divorce with the End in Mind
I think of divorce as a journey from HERE, a marriage and a family which is familiar if not perfect, to THERE, a place which is now unknown and perhaps unimagined. For many people at the beginning of this journey, the trail looks like a rickety rope bridge across a deep chasm, with the far cliff hidden by fog. Scary!
It’s not just about fear, though. At the beginning of this process, while you are at the edge of the cliff looking at the chasm below, there can be other big emotions swirling around your survival brain: grief, guilt, betrayal, mistrust, helplessness.
We know from both science and experience that when we are feeling strongly we make the poorest decisions. And this is really too bad, because it’s here at the beginning of the trip, when your emotions are reeling, that you will make your most important choices: HOW to cross this bridge, and WHO to hire as your guides.
To make these decisions, I invite you to imagine the end of your journey, that far cliff now hidden by fog. In ten years, how do you want your kids to look back on your divorce? What do you want to be able to tell yourself and others about how you navigated the trip?
If you find yourself stuck in fantasies of revenge, take some breaths and work on finding your inner wisdom. This is my experience from watching many, many divorces unfold: when someone feels like they “won,” everybody has actually lost…especially the children. I say this with the caveat that If your former spouse is dangerous, if he or she is abusive, by all means find yourself a good lawyer and use a litigated process which includes court orders to protect yourself and your children.
If, on the other hand, you know in your heart of hearts that your ex is not evil, and you want to look back from the other side at that rope bridge you have just crossed and see that you navigated the journey with respect, courage, wisdom and integrity, I would be honored to be your guide. I have personal experience crossing the bridge for the first time in my own divorce and have stood shoulder to shoulder with many amazing men and women as they have found strength they didn’t know they had and overcome every obstacle in their paths.
For couples who have chosen a collaborative divorce, I act as a Communications Coach or Child Specialist. For couples who have chosen mediation as their process but want a parenting expert to help with their custody plan, I can also act as a Parenting Plan Mediator. For parents who want to step up their game, or who are challenged with “interesting” children, I’m here to help as a Parenting Coach.
Your next steps:
To find out more about the collaborative divorce process, go to the article on this site or to www.cpcal.com.
For a comparison of the pro’s and con’s of all of the processes for how to get divorced in California, you might want to attend a Divorce Options Class, offered in San Jose on the third Saturday of every month by Collaborative Practice Silicon Valley www.nocourt.org.
To make an appointment with me, please go to the Contact Section.
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How do you choose a great collaborative divorce coach, child specialist, or parenting coach?
Life experience matters.
Having been a parent of both amazing and challenging children, having been both happily unhappily married, having been both terribly ill and vigorously healthy, I am aware that my 60+ years on this planet have given me a priceless depth of empathy. Been there.
Professional experience matters.
Beth Proudfoot, LMFT
Child & Family Counseling Group, Inc.
3880 S Bascom Ave, Suite 115
San Jose, CA 95124
Tel: (408) 351-1044 ext.1