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Divorce with the End in Mind

How to divorce peacefully in San Jose
How to have the best outcomes for children in divorce San Jose

What is Collaborative Divorce?

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Divorce with the End in Mind


I think of divorce as a journey from HERE, a marriage and a family which is familiar if not perfect, to THERE, a place which is now unknown and perhaps unimagined. For many people at the beginning of this journey, the trail looks like a rickety rope bridge across a deep chasm, with the far cliff hidden by fog. Scary!


It’s not just about fear, though. At the beginning of this process, while you are at the edge of the cliff looking at the chasm below, there can be other big emotions swirling around your survival brain: grief, guilt, betrayal, mistrust, helplessness.


We know from both science and experience that when we are feeling strongly we make the poorest decisions. And this is really too bad, because it’s here at the beginning of the trip, when your emotions are reeling, that you will make your most important choices: HOW to cross this bridge, and WHO to hire as your guides.


To make these decisions, I invite you to imagine the end of your journey, that far cliff now hidden by fog. In ten years, how do you want your kids to look back on your divorce? What do you want to be able to tell yourself and others about how you navigated the trip?


If you find yourself stuck in fantasies of revenge, take some breaths and work on finding your inner wisdom. This is my experience from watching many, many divorces unfold: when someone feels like they “won,” everybody has actually lost…especially the children. I say this with the caveat that If your former spouse is dangerous, if he or she is abusive, by all means find yourself a good lawyer and use a litigated process which includes court orders to protect yourself and your children.


If, on the other hand, you know in your heart of hearts that your ex is not evil, and you want to look back from the other side at that rope bridge you have just crossed and see that you navigated the journey with respect, courage, wisdom and integrity, I would be honored to be your guide. I have personal experience crossing the bridge for the first time in my own divorce and have stood shoulder to shoulder with many amazing men and women as they have found strength they didn’t know they had and overcome every obstacle in their paths.


For couples who have chosen a collaborative divorce, I act as a Communications Coach or Child Specialist. For couples who have chosen mediation as their process but want a parenting expert to help with their custody plan, I can also act as a Parenting Plan Mediator. For parents who want to step up their game, or who are challenged with “interesting” children, I’m here to help as a Parenting Coach.

Your next steps:

To find out more about the collaborative divorce process, go to the article on this site or to  


For a comparison of the pro’s and con’s of all of the processes for how to get divorced in California, you might want to attend a Divorce Options Class, offered in San Jose on the third Saturday of every month by Collaborative Practice Silicon Valley


To make an appointment with me, please go to the Contact Section.

Classes available for your group:

(Please contact us for availability and pricing.)

Parenting During (and After) the Pandemic 

This five-session class is a must for parents who are struggling to manage during these challenging times. Just doing what your parents did isn't going to cut it anymore! The class was designed for school and other parent groups. 


All of us are aware that we "should" forgive. Forgiveness, though, actually requires both wisdom and great skill. In this class we'll go through and practice the skills involved in forgiving yourself and others. This class is for any spiritual or thoughtful group of adults. 

*On-going FREE Classes and Information:

Divorce Options

The third Saturday of each month 10am - 12:30

For more, go to

Yes, you can get divorced in California now, despite backlog in the courts. In this FREE class I will join with other divorce professionals to talk about four ways to get divorced in California, the pros and cons of each. And we'll go through the legal, financial, and emotional issues divorcing couples will need to navigate during this transition. RSVP to for the link for the class. 

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collaborative divorce coach in San Jose Beth Proudfoot

How do you choose a great collaborative divorce coach, child specialist, or parenting coach?

Life experience matters.

Having been a parent of both amazing and challenging children, having been both happily unhappily married, having been both terribly ill and vigorously healthy, I am aware that my 60+ years on this planet have given me a priceless depth of empathy. Been there.


Professional experience matters. 

Click here for more about Beth Proudfoot, LMFT.


Beth Proudfoot, LMFT

Child & Family Counseling Group, Inc.

3880 S Bascom Ave, Suite 115

San Jose, CA 95124

Tel: (408) 351-1044 ext.1

  I'll get back to you as soon as I can!

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