A recent article in the Mercury News sparked a national debate when it described Assemblywoman Sally Lieber’s plan to introduce a bill that would make it a misdemeanor to spank children under the age of three. Those of you who know what I teach might be surprised to learn my reaction: I think she’s got it all wrong.

The spanking of young children that I see is nearly universal and usually relatively harmless (a light slap on the wrist or tap on the diaper). I’m not saying we should hit our children, I’m saying we all do, even though there are more effective ways of getting the same point across. And the research is still out on whether it does any lasting harm, except in as much as the more we slap our children when they’re tiny, the more likely it is that we will continue to hit them as they grow.

It’s the spanking of children OVER the age of three that’s more likely to turn into beating and abuse, which in turn is more likely to encourage the children to become violent adults. We know from Richard Rhodes’ book, Why They Kill that most if not all violent criminals were beaten as older children, into their teens. As a society, I think it’s important to think about how we can prevent violent crime. So, if we’re going to make this a social issue and get government involved, let’s go where it really counts for public safety and ban ALL spanking, no matter what the age of the child, but especially if they’re OVER three, because that’s where the real danger lies.

I’m sure you all have an opinion about this. Please don’t flood my email with the pros and cons. I know you were spanked as a child and you turned out just fine. Me too. What I’d really like to hear from you is this: tell me of an incident where you ended up spanking a child under the age of three. I’m interested in what works and what doesn’t work, so I want to know two things. Had this behavior or something very similar, occurred in the past or was it the first time it happened? And, after you spanked the child, did they repeat the behavior, or something similar, sometime in the next month or so? Please only reply if you are okay with me publishing your story (I won’t use your actual name, and I’ll fiddle with the details so no one will recognize you) in my next e-news.

Send your thoughts to beth@bethproudfoot.com. Thanks!