There is no doubt in my mind that the reason so many more children are suffering from stress-related illnesses these days is that they have so little time to play.

In recent years, more and more doctors are finding themselves having to tell parents that their children are suffering from stress-related illnesses. And parents are turning to teachers and counselors, completely flummoxed. “How can my child, who has none of the responsibilities and worries of adulthood, be stressed?” they ask.

Stress comes from two directions: what happens in one’s life, and how one interprets it. For example, imagine you’re driving on the freeway, and someone cuts in front of you. Your heart begins to race as you slam on the brakes. The near accident has activated your “flight or fight” response, your body’s immediate reaction to a perceived danger. This is stress from a bad thing happening in your life.

Now, imagine that the other car has gotten off at the next exit, and you’re continuing on your way. What are you thinking? If you’re furious at the careless driver, if you’re spending the rest of your drive imagining what you should have done to retaliate, then you’re spending all of that time adding to your stress. Your interpretation is making your body continue its “fight or flight” response long after the emergency is over. This “interpretation stress” is the kind of dis-stress that can make you ill.

Children interpret events happening around them, too, but their worlds are pretty small. What’s happening on the freeway is not going to affect them very much. What’s happening to their caregivers, though, is extremely important to them.

Let’s imagine a mother, sitting on a bench in the park, reading a book while her children play. She begins to weep, softly. Another adult, walking by, might think, “Oh, that must be a sad book.” Her child, though, is much more likely to think, “I have made Mommy sad,” or, “Mommy is sad, I have to find a way to make her happy.”

This is why, when parents come to me to ask, “How can my child be stressed?” the first question I ask is, “how are YOU doing?” You can’t hide your feelings from your kids. If you try, they may simply interpret this as additional proof that your negative feelings are all their fault. Of course, the more a particular child tends to be a worrier just because of his or her temperament, the more time they’ll spend stressing out about the things that happen to them or the stress their caregivers are experiencing.

I know you’re feeling guilty right now. Stop it! Life is stressful. Bad things inevitably happen, and few of us are serene enough to interpret everything in a benign way. We wouldn’t want to even try raising our kids in a stress-free bubble. It is the hardships in life that give us character and teach us to be better people. All we can to is to help children to deal with the life that they’ve been given. To do that, we have to give them time to play.

Your kids were meant to spend most of their time wandering outside with their buddies turning sticks and rocks and mud into imaginary people and swords and bunnies. They don’t know how to work out problems by thinking about them, they only know how to “play them through.” And today’s children are so overscheduled and over-supervised, their playtime has been reduced to almost zero. It’s stressing them out. And it’s making them sick.

Take a good look at the activities that are so tempting because they look so fun and educational, and choose between them with care. Every young child should have at least a few hours of unstructured, quiet time every day, away from all the screens (TV, computer, video game) that so dominate our modern life. Playmates are hard to find in a culture where we don’t let our kids leave the backyard, but it’s possible to give your children the buddy time they need. If your child is having headaches or stomachaches or mysterious rashes or any of the other stress-related illnesses kids are prone to, this playtime is even more critical.

Oh, and by the way, playtime is wonderfully stress-reducing for grown-ups, too!